Posted by
Charles Lewis on Saturday, June 30, 2007 9:10:24 AM
by Charles Lewis
The recent ignominious ending encountered by what I've taken to calling the "3B" (as in "Border Betrayal Bill") veritably cries out for an analysis in the inimitable (just kidding - it's eminently imitable, as we'll see yet another time below) style of America's favorite late night "stalked show host." In this spirit, I hereby present:
The Top Ten Reasons Kennedy-Kyl Kroaked (yet again):
10 The inconvenient fact that there was never any attempt to keep any of the similar enforcement promises in the '86, '96, or '06 acts cast a measure of suspicion on the This Time We're Not Just Joking Around clause Teddy wrote into this one,
9 The slight overreach inherent in the fact that the Senate (not satisfied with making all of America a sanctuary city for those illegals already here) defeated an amendment that would have made future invaders (or at least those with halitosis so bad they couldn't sweet talk 2 people into lying that they were here before 1/07) ineligible for the keys to future sanctuary cities may have given pause to some paranoic types.
8 Certain obstinate naysayers objected that social security might not be in the best condition right now to take a $5,000,000,000,000.00 hit.
7 The defeat of a mean spirited amendment that would have excluded from amnesty 600,000 already-deported illegals whom we never bothered to escort back across the border (or who've returned seven or eight times after being deported seven or eight times) may have deterred some of the more xenophobic senators.
6 Identified members of MS-13 and other terrorist illegal alien gangs (all of whom vote multiple times, courtesy of Motor Voter) objected that certain sections - the ones asking them to perfunctorily apologize for their witness-offing ways before receiving their paths to citizenship - offended their machismo; likewise, the suggestion in the bill that America's honored guests learn a leettle Inglés before casting their eventual 100,000,000 or so liberal votes was totally unacceptable to certain liberal senators.
5. The stipulation that illegals "pay" back taxes was a budget breaker (since nearly all would qualify for the Earned Income Credit, this would have meant paying them trillions).
4 The unfortunate wild coincidence that the twenty or so years that the Fort Dix terrorists were in the country illegally (all the while participating in one government program or another) - during which we couldn't find them - coincided exactly with the period that the '86 "amnesty/enforcement" act has been in effect unmercifully underscored irrational doubts as to whether the same agencies were fully equipped to thoroughly check out 20,000,000 or so illegals in the 24 hours provided by the bill.
3 Some conservative talk show hosts have been under the deranged illusion that the First Amendment is still in some sense operative (this reason courtesy Senator Trent La Chavez).
2 The provisions for the hiring of more border agents bothered fiscal conservatives, who worried that this - combined with the continued presence of Johnny Sutton - would mean we'd soon have to build a whole lot more prisons to hold all these agents.
...and the #1 reason:
The handful of reactionary anti-bill activists who repeatedly burned out the Capitol switchboard with their billions of angry calls meant Senator Clinton couldn't get through to India at times.